Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
