That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
