You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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