I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
