he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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