You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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