she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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