currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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