You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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