Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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