I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
