im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
