I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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