So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
