Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
