I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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