I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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