i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
