In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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