"it" just moved
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
