i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
