I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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