it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
