So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
