dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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