no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
