they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
