Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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