you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
