He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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