He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
