Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
