For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
