I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
pray to the hookup gods
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