Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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