Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
