If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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