Little spoons don't ask big questions
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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