her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
