i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
