ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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