Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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