i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
