shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
