Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
