I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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