I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
