I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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