Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
