my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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